First you try reasoning, but then they continue to treat you like CRAP, refuse to listen to anything you say, give you the you-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about look, and IGNORE you. God, I hate it when they do that. Then you lose your temper, and suddenly in their mind, their actions are justified. Just like that.
What the crap is that? What, it's okay for them to treat you like cow dung, just don't be a human about it? I mean, come on, when someone does that to you (esp a damn adult who should know better) is your first reaction , or second or third reaction, even, to take it pleasantly, smiling and talking happily like the sun is shining and the birds are twittering? Huh?? Why can't you be UNhappy about it? Why can't you get mad? But no, since you don't pay for your LIFE, you don't get to TALK.
Then they impose their judgment and decisions on you. And you don't get a say in it whatsoever. Why? because they hold your bloody purse-strings. That's why.
And it sucks.
Because to them, it's just a decision. Paltry, everyday words. 'No. Not now. Ten years from now. Go take a hike.'
To us, it's our life. We live by the consequences of their decisions everyday. And even though we balk, we have to keep reminding ourselves - they hold our PURSE-STRINGS. And there's nothing we can do about it.
And it's humiliating. Because if you want to live your life like you envision it, you have to crawl back to them and beg their forgiveness and swallow you pride whole, all ten freaking tons of it. Because otherwise, your life is over. It's all about the money.
God, I'm sick and tired of it.
I'm content to live by the consequences of MY decisions. But THEIR decisions? That is what I've been doing my whole life. I probably sound like a sulky, bitter teenager right now, and you know what? maybe I do. But what do I care how I sound? If adults are entitled to be so damned immature, esp the one I have in mind, aren't I even more entitled to feel unhappy about it? At least I'm being honest about how I feel. And I'm letting it out in a safe outlet. And I'm not hurting anybody with my decisions. But I AM taking charge of my life.
I'm emancipating myself.
I'm not going to be told what to do. I'm still going to Europe. By myself. To hell to anyone who tells me otherwise. And I'll be staying for a month. I will work things out for myself. Not everything is about money, right?
Aside from the cost of the plane ticket, of course. But that can be settled. Somehow. Ugh, I haven't felt this awful in ages. And I feel so alone. Does anyone care anymore?
But if I could get some help out here, that'll be nice.
5 comments:
hey gurl....r u okie?i care!=)
Make that two!
I dont have a credit card n neither can i afford a Europe trip right now but if i have to hunt down the whole of Penang to get you the best deal for a tour package,i would and you damn well know that i would!
Actually i'm insulted that you even asked that question.sigh...
we happen to be YOUR FRIENDS,dear and we CARE!
yeah..dear girl..like ru said..we do care..n we'll always care tho we may b miles away...life has it's own challanges for us but yet it's all these that makes us more n more beautiful day by day..may not b easy but yet i'm sure there's surely a beautiful rainbow after d rain...His love brings rest to you when u are weary(i know u don get tired easily but yet in life there r times when we're there)..His love brings renewed strength for those who needs it..His love brings peace in life's storms,melts away tension,worry n strain,gives faith n courage in place of fear,hope in place of despair..His love fills you n surround you..keep soaring high above d ethin...His wisdom b upon u in all that u do..He loves you extremely much n so do i=)..hv a lovely night...when it's really so exhaustin...know that He'll always cover you with His tender loving care...
THanks, you guys...I know u care. I was just venting coz I felt like smashing my hand thru a wall or sth haha. Ru, u dun need to do that, I think I may haf a plan, I'm just not sure whether it'll work or not. It's a long shot and I dun know if I'm up to forgoing a whole semester. I'm thinking of doing au pair work in Europe. Only flight costs, and the family pays me to take care of their kids. No certainty yet. Catch is, most of the families want at least 3 months. Dun think I can commit that long. And there's still the plane ticket, but i guess i can handle that. It means a lot to me that you guys noticed...means the world. Thanks, both of you.
no worries!always here for u...hv a lovely day ahead!
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