Depression

I was robbed. last night. I got adventurous and went clubbing with Krista and friends last night.

Around 7 am (at my 3rd, albeit shady discotheque-the only one still open at that hour) I left my bag on a stool for a few minutes underneath my coat. I turned my back on it for a moment and the next thing I know, it was gone.

Some dude said he saw someone wearing glasses go off with my bag. We were screaming where?? Dondé?? so damned many times, and the FUCKER kept on talking and asking RIDICULOUS UNECESSARY questions while no doubt the culprit was escaping. What made me so mad was even after I got hysterical and tlked to the bouncers, they took the whole damned thing so lightly! I resorted to broken spanish/hysterical English to communicate the situation. I even suggested/demanded that no one leave the perimeters until they´d been searched. They said they couldn´t do that, and while they were talking nonsense and asking their fucking questions, people were happily cruising in and out of the door. I felt so powerless and I´ve never felt despair like this in my life except once last year.

I lost:

1. my new nokia E65 mobile phone with ALL of my contacts, messages and important notes
2. Aida´s mettalic pink sony ericsson flip phone
3. my iPod (fully charged, containing 2000 over songs which is thankfully backed up in my laptop)
4. AND my new Nikon digital camera in which I´d taken over 300 photos since I came here.

What made me so DAMNED ANGRY is that they never bothered to do anything, the bouncers, or any of my so-called friends. Bastards. They continued laughing and dancing and talking as if I was just talking about the fucking weather. In the span of a few minutes, everyone in the club had found out that I´d lost the contents of my bag, but of course, other than succeeding in spreading the word,nothing was done, and the fucking who took my shit probably got off scott free laughing all the way home. A few minutes later, someone found my bag in the ladies´, empty except for my green half-length long sleeve top. The robber was so thorough i almost broke down in hysterical laughter if I hadn´t been so upset. She/he even stole my lip gloss, a slip of paper with a friend´s contact on it, and a bottle of half-drank mineral water I chucked in. It´s utterly, absolutely ridiculous.

I was so desperate to get my things back I broke down and cried in front of the club and nearly resorted to begging, but they wouldn´t have understood what I wanted to say, or who to say it to, anyway.

I feel so down like I´ll never be happy again. And why did I have to lose the 3 things that I can´t live without, right now? Did I do sth so wrong as to deserve this?Is it karma? And the fact that I lost my very important iPod and my new phone doesn´t help either. Nobody is giving me the support that I need here...Aida and Enrique told me that it´s life. What´s happened has happened so just let it go. Buy new gadgets. But how can I let go of the CONTENTS in my gadgets? My contacts? My songs? My 300 over pics taken?There are just some things that money can´t buy.

Ru, Serena, Yih Ling, Mian and Rina, I so NEED u guys´ support right now. Nobody here seems to understand, even Krista. She sympathised with me, for about 10 minutes and resumed her flirting with the guys she was with and talking about the guys she was with and was so flippant about the whole thing.In short, she couldn´t care less since it didn´t happen to her. She almost made me cry again.

I know I´ve been DAMNED stupid to leave my bag lying around in a club, esp since I never do tht in Penang, but I´ve already got the guilt trip from my mom when I called her to inform her and to ask her to cancel my SIM card. I´ll prolly get the number back. So the next week, guys, dun message my number. I´ve cried so much my eyes are perpetually burning.

Aida told me tht even if I report the incident to the police, they won´t be able to do anything. My things are gone for good. Why oh Why was i so stupid? I should have glued my bag to my skin. I just woke up from a nap hoping all this was just a nightmare...but no. I still smell like an ashtray from the clubbing. And I can´t bring myself to do anything but come to the computer. I feel like I´m having a nervous breakdown. Please, someone save me from myself.

Maybe it could have been worse. I could have been stupider and left my passport and wallet and money in mybag, but I didn´t. I keep telling myself it could´ve been worse, and maybe it could´ve, but I just don´t feel comforted. I feel so stupid and worthless. What´s more, there are so many pics I wanted to upload that I now can´t coz of obvious reasons. what´s even more painful, I met a cute guy, a friend of a friend who was interested in me, super popular in the clubs, is a lawyer and wants to practise speaking his english with me. His name´s Alejandro, or Alex. He left before this happened, and I don´t have his contact number, so he doesn´t know what happened. I dunno if i´ll ever see him again, but the reason i went into the seedy club in the 1st place was because I thought he might be there, since he left the 2nd club without us. I FEEL SO STUPID NOW. I shouldn´t have done that for a guy who in the end isn´t even worth losing the 3 most important things to me.

Can anyone save me from myself? Please? I´m breaking down, for real. I can´t do anyth but cry. And now I´m so tired of and from crying that I just get this heaviness in my chest that tightens everytime I think about what happened. I feel so lost.